I Didn’t Expect This Conversation in a Military Courtroom

I must actually be crazy. And I was also desperate for a tissue as I felt tears about to fall. What was I thinking, to come to another capital court martial? It was too soon since the words "Not Guilty" shattered my world.

Again.

I was so intent on not crying that I didn't even notice the young JAG Officer slide in beside me until he asked, "Are you Barbara Allen?"

I tensed, prepared for him to tell me I had to leave. I knew the military was not happy with me writing Front Toward Enemy, detailing not just how the Staff Sergeant in Iraq murdered both my husband and the Commanding Officer, but how the military judicial system made a mockery of the case. I was not exactly a welcome sight in the military courtroom.

I nodded yes, ready to rumble. But the moment took an incredible turn.

Confusion crashed into me as he appeared to be struggling with his words. We were the only two in the courtroom, other than the victims' families a few rows ahead of us. I had not introduced myself to them. I did not want to intrude as I observed and recorded this court martial. The air was heavy with the weight of their pain. Maybe this JAG officer felt that, too.

"I just read your book." An exhale, a soft sigh, as he dragged his eyes up to meet mine. "It changed the way I work with victims and their families, and I'll carry that with me."

He left as abruptly as he'd appeared. I don't think I even replied, just sat there in shock.

My brain scrambled to interpret the emotions colliding inside me. When it decided that I felt overwhelmed, moved, grateful and devastated all at once, I had to take my own deep breaths to avoid breaking down as the courtroom filled with people. When it decided that I felt overwhelmed, moved, grateful and devastated all at once, I had to take my own deep breaths to avoid breaking down as the courtroom filled with people.

Writing that book had began as a private journal. I thought one day, when my kids were grown, they could read it. Maybe it would help them forgive me for what I knew would be a childhood littered with their mom's mistakes and pain. But as the trial progressed, as things took one horrifying turn after another, I knew I had to tell the story myself.

As my husband's killer smiled at me before walking away a free man - with back pay- I knew no one would ever know the truth unless I told it.

So I researched. Our case. Other cases. I completed my Masters in Criminal Justice. And I published the book that broke me to write.

I paid thousands of dollars to self publish, back then. I took the personal attacks from people mocking me, accusing me of being a glory hog, of using my husband's murder for my own personal gain. Until that moment in that courtroom, nothing good had ever come of me writing it.

And in that moment, I knew that if nothing else good ever did - it was worth it.

I knew that other victims and survivors would benefit from that young JAG officer's fresh awareness of their pain. And that meant - means- the world to me.

It didn’t resurrect my husband, or give my four boys their dad back.

But my book was impacting lives

The books I’ve been featured in, or written for myself or clients since, amplify that impact in ways I would never have imagined.

Now I am on the brink of bringing one of my books to life in a film.

If I can take all that pain and struggle and turn my grief into greatness - so can you.

If I can make profound impacts with my books, so can you.

You can absolutely amplify your impact with your book, too.

Not just a book about your expertise but about you.

Think for a moment, of all the knowledge and wisdom you have, that have nothing to do with your business or what you are known for. Think about how you don't ever go deep into those topics because you are so busy teaching what you do instead of sharing who you are.

You don’t realize that you could also be just like the people I learned from, when my life felt hopeless and I prayed for the wisdom to turn it all around.

That officer I met in the courtroom that day- he didn’t say it was one of the news shows I’d been on, or the articles about me, or even a talk I’d given, that opened his eyes to the plight of victims and their families - maybe one those got his attention, but it was my book, that influenced him to create such a powerful impact.

Your gifts don’t begin and end with the companies you build, the stages or fields you shine on, the films you are in or the millionaires you help create - they go way past that, into the hearts you touch and the faith you inspire and the beauty you help unleash in this world.

You wouldn’t leave money on the table, would you? So stop leaving impact on the table. Someone out there is ready to use your book, to change their life.

Let's write it together.