“You’re so ambitious.”
If you’re like me, you’ve heard a few different variations of this sentence.
Three, precisely.
Said three different ways, that one comment can mean three different things.
But it tells you more about the person saying it, than it does about yourself.
For instance:
“You’re ambitious.” The tone is familiar. The word “so” is left out- maybe swapped for “also.” This comment comes from people who, themselves, have high levels of ambition, who have achieved at least one seemingly unreachable goal of their own - and recognize fellow Doers. They offer the comment as a nod to all the hard work you do and the way you put yourself out there. The tone is one of familiarity, as we do when we connect with like minded people, or people who have something in common with us.
Next is, “You’re so ambitious.”
This one is offered with a rise in in tone on the word “ambitious.” It’s a friendly, warm comment usually accompanied with a soft smile. People who work hard in their own lives, who take care of their responsibilities- they are people you know either on a casual or more friendly level. They have achieved a certain set of goals but have never gone for that thing they can’t stop thinking about. Part of them really still wants to get out there and do something different in their own lives, but they never seem to do it. They offer the comment as a compliment. They see you out there going for it, and they want you to win.
And last and also certainly least, we have the “You’re so ambitious.”
This comment is offered with a sneer in the tone. The person saying it will not be able to fake a smile that passes for warmth as they speak this to you. Whether or not they have won or lost in the game of reaching their own hopes and dreams, for some reason… they resent you for going after yours.
All three types of people have their own reasons and their own feelings behind this comment. Just like with any other opinion offered about you, you are free to do with it as you wish.
In the years following Lou’s murder - throughout the court martial process and its aftermath, I lived in a constant state of adrenalin. There was not ever a time I was truly able to relax and just… breathe. Ever moment that was not filled with caring for my kids and trying to breathe through the pain was spent focusing on the trial and my need for some version of justice.
Even- revenge at first.
After the court martial, after watching the POS who admitted to killing Lou and Phil smile at me as he was acquitted, that adrenalin spiked in a way that took me a couple years to get a lid on.
In those years, with all that adrenalin running through me and no more trial to unleash it on, I had to find somewhere for it to go.
In some instances I found positive outlets- I finished and published my first book and I got my Masters degree. But the book itself was traumatic to write, as I relived it all. And the agents who dropped me after the acquittal left me even angrier.
I got myself into and then eventually out of a dark, unhealthy relationship that my kids and I still feel the impact of.
Finally, after hitting that moment where I knew I had to change, I began to rebuild in healthier ways. In happier ways, even. But that level of adrenalin, while less than it was, is still elevated. It has never returned to the same baseline it was before losing Lou. And I still had to find more outlets. I wrote another book, blowing my elbows and wrists out in the process, and having to have surgeries on my elbows.
Meeting Dave not only gave me a new chance at love, it gave me solutions to my adrenalin problem.
I fostered puppies, wrote more books, published more books, started a podcast with Dave. We hosted three live events, which was brutal and beautiful and cost us more than we could lose at the time. But we learned and grew and helped others do the same, and I’m proud of doing that.
Now I have this screenplay I’m determined to turn into my first film. How to Woo a Widow needs to be experienced. It will heal and connect and help hurting hearts laugh and love again.
For extra kicks, as I write books for my clients, I’m developing a streaming series to sell.
People either get me, or they don’t.
Am I ambitious?
Hell yes I am.
I had to be - surviving Lou’s loss and raising our kids without him required levels of ambition I never knew existed.
I’d love to hear what big dream you have, that you’re working toward!
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