21 Years Later, I'm Glad I Stayed

I’ve been gone for a while. From here, that is. And I’ve missed you- I’ve missed the experience of writing whatever is on my heart to write in that moment, and I’ve missed hearing from those of you who each week take the time out of your day to email me a reply, telling me about your life and how my message to you landed. 

But I knew you’d understand when I told you that I had to take a moment for myself. Those moments pop up on me from time to time. Moments where I find myself about to hit “Publish” on a message that feels false- because I wrote it without the intent and heart that matter.  That’s when I realize I’ve allowed my life to spiral a bit too wide - I’ve got myself overcommitted, and I’m simply going through the motions. 

And you don’t deserve that. You don’t deserve to receive a message that feels the way it does when you’re having a conversation with someone, who’s continually looking past you, scanning the room for someone more important. I can’t stand that. So I’d never do it to you.

I’ll fill you in on what’s been going on- some highs and lows, and something HUGE about to pop!

But first I wanted to take this moment to thank you.

As I write this, it is 21 years to the day that my doorbell rang, and the men in military uniforms told me my husband had been killed in Iraq. Twenty-one years since I collapsed in my doorway, and had no interest in getting back up. 

So sitting here today, writing this to you, feels like a beautiful gift - I’m so grateful for the opportunity to connect with you, to share the lessons others have taught me, and to grow right along with you. I’m so glad I did not give up. 

And if you are going through something right now that feels “too hard” or “too big” for you - please know that you are capable of so much more than you may believe right now. 

See ya next week :)